Physical Fitness and the Stay-at-Home Mom

I've run into enough trim, fit, and trendy SAHMs to make me doubt the old canard that says if a woman stays at home long enough she'll "let herself go" and lose her looks. But you occasionally spot a woman who looks as if she hasn't left the house since 1986 and has cases of Ho-ho's delivered to her back door. Then the trim, fit, and trendy working mom thinks, "Horrors! It's a good thing I kept working and haven't lost my looks." Now don't go all politically correct on me. If you're the Ho-ho mom, rest assured that I don't believe looks equal reality. The fact is that we have all been given different gifts, some native, some acquired. Some people just don't really care about dressing up for the benefit of others. Some are hyper-self-conscious and are constantly "done" to the nines--hair, nails, etc. But it doesn't necessarily follow that being a SAHM means inevitable weight gain.

Whether a woman is more likely to gain weight if she stays at home is dependent on several factors. Since scientists and nutritionists disagree on what exactly causes obesity, I can hardly mount an analysis here. Surely there exist working women who gain weight because, stressed and strapped for time, they end up overeating or overconsuming convenience foods without the benefit of extra activity, just as there are SAHMs who lose weight because they finally have the time to exercise and cook nutritious meals. I will exclude for the moment those with a disorder, such as hypothyroid, that causes them to gain weight no matter what they do, and assume that a woman has some control over her rate of consumption and energy expenditure. For my qualifications to discuss this topic, I'll cite my years of being a food service specialist in the military (which included stocking up for patrols, making menus, and nutrition training), my experiences with compulsive eating, and my ability to lose the extra weight I had and maintain an ideal weight for five years and counting (and if I did seek extra training to go back to work, being a nutritionist has seemed the most attractive career to me).

First, forget the quick-fix diet. What constitutes a nutritious diet has varied through the decades, but what it has always included is some proportion of protein, carbohydrates, fruits, vegetables, dairy products, and fats. Now, people love to dicker about what exactly constitutes an ideal proportion of each group (I'm not even going to get into the debate over Atkins, for example). Let me just say that the preponderance of evidence points to a more varied diet as the healthful ideal--so forget about surviving on popcorn only, or meat only, or bananas only, or whatever fad diet is currently in vogue. You will simply become malnourished and then be tempted to overeat something that is not healthful. If you believe that carbs should be limited, great, just so long as you still have some of everything in the diet. You can also be a vegetarian and still get enough protein. Just don't try to live on melon shakes, think you're going to lose weight, and then get bummed when you don't. Conversely, don't stock up the freezer with Oreo ice cream and then wonder why it looks so tempting when the baby's napping. It's simply harder to overeat when you are being nourished from so many food groups.

Second, change your goal from "losing weight" to "nourishing yourself." Linguistically, saying you're going to "lose weight" backfires because we have a mental block against "losing" anything. Losing your keys and losing your mind are always bad because they are expressed negatively. So don't sabotage yourself mentally. Tell yourself that you are the family nutritionist, and it is your job to stock the pantry carefully to make sure everyone gets the nutrients they need. Let moderation and variety be your watchwords, as well as thrift, when you go shopping (it's easier when you go by yourself, as long as you can fight the Oreo ice cream temptation). Use common sense. Being a tightwad naturally lends itself to more healthful cooking, since you are forgoing the expensive (and fatty) cuts of meat and almost all the calorie-rich and nutrient-poor convenience foods. If you can't cook, learn. I did. It's hard to get fat on your own cooking--just too much darn work (those brownies aren't that attractive if I have to make them myself).

Third, keep a record. If you are actively trying to shed pounds, keep a food diary. This is effective if you are honest about it, but it requires accountability as well. Make a chart with the days of the week and record everything you eat, along with the relevant calorie/fat gram/protein gram notation if you're tracking that. You might have a goal, such as 1500 calories a day, if you're a calorie counter, or so many fat grams a day. You'll want to tally up at the end of the day and see how you did. Note how many servings of each food group there are. Also note exercise you got that day, or vitamins and supplements you took. The accountability part is important, since you're not likely to stay faithful unless someone is looking over your shoulder and is as enthusiastic about your goals as you are (husbands or mothers are not good choices). Just as with money, it's hard to get started when you're scared you'll fail. Tracking your food intake is more informative than weighing yourself every day, and more objective than trying on the same (tight) pair of pants.

Just as it pays to know your spending pitfalls, it pays to know what sets off your urge to merge with the refrigerator. I know that if I have ice cream in the freezer, I will eat a serving a day, until it is gone, period. Ditto for cookies and homemade goodies. If you know that boredom or emotional issues set you off, leave these items out of your pantry. Allow yourself only one item as a treat--something that helps satisfy part of your craving but that also delivers nutrients, so you're not setting yourself up for double and triple servings. My personal "treat" is hot chocolate made with milk (winter) or frozen chocolate milk "shakes" (for summer). Realize that dieting pitfalls include more than just food. Physical fitness includes a lot of things. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you stressing out about something, like money or marriage problems, or kid problems, that is keeping you up at night and driving you to emotional distraction during the day? Is your routine disorganized? Look your life over before you set out to achieve this goal and tackle as many of the things that bug you as you can.

What about exercise? If you're like my husband, you pity the poor joggers out on the street because you think they're in unbearable pain. If jogging isn't your thing, find something you can do three to five times a week that isn't too expensive and doesn't take too much time. Walking is ideal. In fact, when you're towing (or carrying) small kids, it's practically your only option. I like it because I don't have to wear special clothes, I don't have to warm up or cool down, I don't have to drive anywhere, and I don't need any special equipment. If your goal is substantial, say 50 pounds or more, you might need to supplement the walking with more intense activity (you should also get some bloodwork done, just to see the change in your lipids). Balance the activity with your intake. If you really don't want to or can't exercise as much as you think you should, do what you can--consistently!--and cut back on the carbs instead. Realize it's going to take time. But the longer it takes, the better. You will be solidifying healthy new habits and by the time you reach your goal, you won't feel deprived or tempted to snap back into your old routine.

So just how did I conquer compulsive eating? A couple of serendipitous changes, and a willingness to force myself to do a couple of things. First, I couldn't stop compulsive eating until I stopped working in a kitchen (galley). There was just too much food around, and I was too tired and stressed to avoid grazing all day, eating double dinners, and then hitting my rack at night (they really overworked us). The second change was a short break, almost a vacation. I got to do some training on another base, and for three weeks, I could do pretty much what I wanted in the food/exercise department. I ate smaller meals and started jogging after dinner. It felt better to do that, and I looked better. I bought smaller pants, and people made comments. Third, back on the ship (motivated by my new pants), I forced myself to get up at 5:15 am and go down to the cargo hold and hit the Stairmaster before work. In order to make this a habit I had to do it every day. No exceptions, except on weekends I'd jog down the waterfront and back for variety. Fourth, I ate smaller meals more often during the day. This made my stomach smaller and willing to accept less. I also looked and felt less bloated. If that sounds daunting, I agree. I don't think I would have kicked it so quickly had I not been shoehorned into the rigid routine of the military. I hadn't solved my emotional issues, but looking better eventually led to feeling better.

(As an epilogue, I'd like to add that my attitude towards food has totally changed since I started having babies. My midwife was the one who insisted on my keeping a food diary, and she lent me a book about nutrition during pregnancy and how much it affects the baby. She also lectures me and examines my food charts, since nutrition plays a large part in having a healthy pregnancy, an easier, natural birth, and a vigorous baby. I'm a believer, but I long for the time when I can eventually stop stuffing myself with all this protein and supplements. Then it will be a relief to not have to eat so much!)