Of my very few (but very appreciated) readers, some sharper-eyed ones may have noticed that the two posts "Taking the Veil" and "Taking the Veil...Part II" are gone. I originally wrote those posts after reading a whole raft of info on the issue of mantilla-wearing at Mass, concluding that there must be some kind of holdover from the 1917 Code of Canon Law requiring the wearing of the veil at Mass that the post-Vatican II Church just kept mum about.
In my pride, I felt that Jimmy Akin needed to be corrected, so I informed him of my disagreement with his interpretation of canon law on the subject, citing some traditionalist-oriented web sites as my sources.
Then I read all the discussion threads I could find on Catholic.com pertaining to this subject--and saw that all the veil advocates GOT ABSOLUTELY TROUNCED when they trotted out their arguments for veiling as required by canon law. I modified my opinion to accommodate the new information...which is basically that a satisfactory case for veiling being some kind of back-door requirement of the Church CANNOT BE MADE in such a way that it will be taken seriously. The veil has been consigned to the realm of "personal devotion."
Sadly, I discovered that even Magisterium-loving Catholics are divided into little subcamps. The Catholic Answers/EWTN crowd are called the "neo-cons" and the Latin Mass-loving, mantilla wearing (but not SSPX) crowd are called the traditionalists, or simply "trads" for short. This may not come as much of a shock to anyone but me, but I got really depressed over the whole thing. Can't we all just be Catholic, follow the Magisterium, and get along?
So I took my posts down, wrote a shamefaced little apology e-mail to Jimmy and am now lurking around at jimmyakin.org, afraid to show my moniker.
So by way of explanation, my goal here is to take a little snapshot of my current thinking on mantillas, or headcovering--which is an umbrella term for all kinds of coverings worn in all kinds of situations by all kinds of well-meaning women, be they Christian, Jewish, or Muslim (there is probably a Master's thesis lurking in here).
1. This is a huge issue. I have been reading for weeks, unable to piece together a cohesive Catholic perspective on the whole thing. Aside from the do-we-wear-one-at-Mass-or-not controversy, there are varying interpretations of I Corinthians 11, some of which dismiss the whole thing as an example of Paul just being overzealous, the Corinthians being a special case, or veiling being just a cultural practice specific to the times. While our sola scriptura sisters have a refreshing clarity when it comes to seeing this command jump out at them from Scripture, the Catholics shrink back and cry, "Not unless the Pope tells me to...preferably in person!"
2. If you do decide to wear a headcovering...there is NO GUIDANCE. This is a situation in which it would be a relief to be Amish, or CCF, where they tell you what type of headcovering you are to wear and what color and that's that. If you are Catholic, not only do you have no official direction from the Church on this, you have the active animosity of a large contingent of people who have/had a vested interest in "modernizing" the Church, and here you are drawing attention to yourself and implicitly criticizing their "reforms"-- and that's if you're only wearing a covering at Mass. What if you start showing up to all the non-Mass parish events in your covering? What happens when your lapsed-Catholic relatives get a gander at you come Thanksgiving? How do you explain your "new look" to your few remaining Protestant friends who don't really know anything about the Church in the first place? Right now there are too many unanswered questions for me to start wearing a headcovering full-time, although my heart is drawn to the practice.
3. I am afraid I'll be sending the wrong message...spreading confusion, instead of the gospel. This is the real kicker. We must be in the last, last days, because these days when somebody wants to appear overtly religious, they are either ignored or persecuted (and yes, I consider staring to be a form of persecution--it says, "Who do you think you are? I've got my eye on you!") You will quickly find out what people think of your faith when you wear it on your head. "You look Amish with that thing on your head," said my talkative neighbor Joe when he saw my black kerchief. Note: he didn't say, "Wow, I so appreciate your wonderful Catholic and Christian witness! You are making me think about the Lord!" Now times this reaction by twenty and this is what you will have to endure every day, every week, every year of your life until the end. It is not something to be taken on blithely.
And yet, I admire the Catholic sisters on my Yahoo discussion group, which is for Catholic women who cover and who feel called to plain dress, like the Amish (I didn't know they existed either). They offer up the pain of being noticed in this manner, of being mistaken for Mennonite or JW or some other conservative fundamentalist group, knowing in their hearts that they are trying their level best to follow the Scripture and live according to the immemorial traditions of the Church, even if that amounts only to a trough of irrelevance in today's day and age.
And so my agonizing dilemma goes...should I wear makeup, or shouldn't I? Should I wear my hair up every day or shouldn't I? Is it OK to wear pants around the house, or do I need the "feminizing" influence of a skirt even more when I'm inside? I really sympathize with those of you who just don't get the whole emphasis on "appearance." "Why are you spending so much time and energy worrying about it?" they wonder.
You know, I sometimes wonder the same thing. I guess it's like when you examine Christianity for the first time, and you realize that you're going to have to change everything about your life. And yet, what you've found is so beautiful, that you know once you've made the changes and are living only for God, that you'll be more at peace than you've ever been, you'll have more time and energy for Him because you're not being "tossed to and fro on every wind of doctrine."
I guess it's the same with women and the way we dress and present ourselves. Up until now, I've been tossed around when it comes to fashion and I'm tired of it. On the other hand, I don't want to just give up and wear a unisex uniform every day. When you're a stay-at-home, and you don't have all the "outside" stuff to keep you distracted, your soul yearns for beauty, delicacy and all the refined sentiments that women have that help us make a home and a family. When I'm dressed in a feminine manner that is correct for my role, it's like something that was dislocated gets put back into joint. It just feels right.
Here is a nice little run-down on headcovering by Hillbilly Housewife:
http://www.scriptures.hillbillyhousewife.com/beginners.htm
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12 comments:
No makeup? Mandatory headcovering?
plain clothes?
Gee wiz, lady, there are 10 commandments and they are hard enough; we don't have to invent more!
I've been around Catholic circles for awhile, and this isolationist attidude turns me off. I think you are too religious for Jesus.
Sigh... anonmymous, don't throw stones...
I have been myself thinking about wearing the mantilla at mass. I just joined two yahoo groups this weekend so I might ask some questions... wonder if you are on one, lol. Anyway, I believe the mantilla is a respectful thing. I would not wear it everyday but I find it appropriate at mass. For me, though, I am afarid of the attention. I don't want to be pointed at and accused of something that is untrue, just like Mr. or Ms. Anonymous up there.
Wearing the mantilla is not "isolationist." I feel sorry for you that those circles you have been around would give you such an opinon. I will pray for you. And modesty is a part of the ten commandments. It is about respecting your body and others. That is covered by several of the commandments and the greatest commandment of all, the law of love.
modesty is part of the ten commandments, but you can be stylish AND modest. If you want to wear the mantilla, no makeup, and dress like a pilgrim, go ahead. But please don't assert that is what every Catholic woman should or ought to do.
I think it is conceivable that Our Blessed Mother would wear pants if she lived in our day and age. Of course, she would dress modestly, but dressing modestly does not mean forsaking pants and personal style. I believe as Catholic women, we are called to be counter-cultural, yes, modest, in a society that objectifies women, yes, but not stand-off-ish. We need to be down-to-earth and relatable if we are to evangalize the modern world. Do you think a woman who is post-abortive, who was left by her husband, the frenzied working mother in the grocery store etc. could relate to this silly pants/no pants discussion? No, she would think all Christians are judgemental, she would not feel the love, the acceptance of Christ. Before we judge what our sisters are wearing, we should examine our own hearts, and ask how we can more merciful to others. And sometimes that means we need to get off our soapbox and just listen.
Anon,
I really want to relate to your point of view and take you seriously, but it's hard to do that if you don't post a handle. There are 3 anon messages already and while I can't promise to respond to them all, it's easier if I know how many entities I am dealing with.
I think your honesty is refreshing, which is why I left the anon comments thingy on, but I don't think you really read my post. I was not trying to say that headcovering is mandatory, nor that all Catholic women should dress like Pilgrims. In fact I am especially sensitive to those, like you mentioned, who just can't be bothered and might be frightened off the Church by too-strange garb. Point well taken.
In Christ,
Caelids
I have been thinking of wearing the doily for a while now. One time, I think two years ago, at our parish fall festival I jokingly asked Fr. if he thought it would be bad if I wore my baseball cap to church (I had been working the festival and had major bad hair day hair and needed to go to the evening Mass in a few minutes just across the street). He misunderstood me and said, "Oh, no, it's not necessary to wear a hat...of course, men (at which point he looked at my hubbs who was wearing a baseball cap also) should remove their hats at Mass!". Ever since then I think about Fr. and what he said whenever I feel like wearing a hat or head covering to Mass. I kind of like to provoke people (especially women) when I wear a hat to Mass or a church function. I love to have them look disapprovingly like I'm DARING them to say anything so I can say, "Fr. said I could" or something like that. Heehee, plus it's kind of my one, little thing I got on the boys, "Haha, we can wear hats and youuuuuu can't!" I know, I know. I'll work on that humility thing. On another note, I like wearing pants and I feel totally feminine in them so I don't really get the whole peasant/prairiegirl/nun skirt thing. I am only going to be able to pull off the youthful dressing for so many more years so I figure I'll do it until I look like a ridiculous teenager wannabe and then I'll switch to the frump look when I have the matching 50% gray hair and coordinating wrinkle set. I think I would draw more attention to myself if I started to look like someone I'm really not too suddenly. Soooo, I agree with what you are saying about anonymous postings. They kinda stink. I agree with all of your thoughts on modesty too (believe it or not) but I can't translate them into my life (I always come back to the reason that I am only going to be "young" once and therefore only going to be fashionable for a short period of time!) other than to try to be a little more modest although...I did wear kind of a hoochie skirt last week and too tall heels but I was going out on a date with the hubbs after Mass and I figured Jesus would be glad I was "dressing up" for my two favorite dudes that night! (Oh, I sure hope He has a sense of humor or I'm going straight down, I just know it.)
In my experience, which is a long and winding road, this discussion about makeup, pants, head coverings, etc., can be a major distraction to true spiritual connection and deep intimacy with Our Lord. It can be used as a "litmus test", it can hurt feelings and cause division unnecisarily. (I do not think you are doing this from what I have read, please understand).
However, some individuals find that by wearing dresses, covering their heads in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, minimizing makeup, and living "plain" can heal many wounds caused by being objectified in the past.
It can also simplify one's life sufficiantly to free up more time for prayer, family time, and also free up money in the budget to do more charitable acts.
I think this is why the Church doesn't address this issue directly. This is an area where prudential judgement is left to the individual woman. There are, of course, basic guidelines that are common sense. And arguably these should be more clearly articulated in the church.
But I am certain Our Lord, if He is calling you to a simpler, plainer lifestyle will give you a good spiritual director, be it a priest or layperson, who will assist you in making these decisions for the good of your soul, and a plan of action to implement such a lifestyle with grace.
What does your husband think? I think as a married woman this is the primary consideration. Does he mind your "plain" dress? Are you responding to pain by this desire? Would a good heart to heart with him help clarify some issues for you?
I came from a SSPX background, and found that I had to discard much of that external distraction (by that I mean the very strict dress code) to find my peace with Christ. I used to avoid church if I didn't feel I was dressed properly. I never dress shamefully, so now I stop in and bask in His presence even if given the chance, I would change my clothes.
I have been through this conversation many times with both my traditionalist friends, as well as my non-traditionalist friends and secular friends. People perceive judgement through other's actions (for instance, in my case, I have a large family and homeschool. People assume I judge them for not doing these things and I get attitude. My job is to deflect the attitude, charitably, and carry on undeterred). Know "why" you are doing a particular action, and the "how" will work itself out.
Living out the faith takes a radical commitment to Christ, but just be careful not to get sidetracked by distractions. Satan loves to scatter. Loves it.
Great blog, by the way. I will look forward to visiting again! I found you through amy caroline.
Well said, Mary Poppins! :) I went to FUS, and have been around Catholic circles for some time, and sometimes the pressure just gets to be too much. The modest/immodest thing has driven me to tears during some points. I have never dressed immodestly ( I don't have the body for that if I wanted to) but the long skirt and turtle neck and sandals and large St. Benedict's cross wasn't me either. There were girls at FUS who wouldn't go swimming because they felt it was immodest to wear a bathing suit (a normal bathing suit, not a bikini, I think a bikini is immodest) and one time I was at Church and a lady told me I was sinning because I was wearing pants (slacks, not jeans). I cried for hours. There are some Catholics who judge the holiness of a family by how many children hey have, or if they homeschool. There have been times I have felt like "damaged goods" because my parents are divornced. This judgemental attitude has made me want to run as far away as possible from the Catholic Church at times. I'm al for follwing the Church's teachings, but I get really flustered when people start making up rules that aren't there.
Hmmm. It's obvious that this topic brings up a lot of issues for people, some if which I never dreamed about stirring up.
Believe it or not, I am not a single-issue blogger, and I don't want this modesty question to take over my life. However, like mary poppins not said, I do think I will feel some relief if I simplify a little bit. In fairness to the gals in my Yahoo groups, I try to express their point of view, but I am NOT a plain dresser myself, nor do I think I ever will be. I am just trying to be a good blogger and cover some different points of view.
"Prudential judgment" covers a lot of ground, and the last thing I want is to be one of those that hurt you, anon. Let me say from my heart that I love the Church, but it's a really big tent and there are not only saints but sinners inside it. Don't judge the Church by the unfortunate few who disgrace it. Pray for discernment, as I did, and God will show you your path.
Frankly, I just blog about this stuff to blow off steam. I'm cooped up in my house in the rain with my two little guys, with hospital bills on the counter, and a half-done remodel and a husband who's always gone. Just a little escapism for me, ya'll understand.
In Christ,
Caelids
I went to FUS too.
While the campus and people were wonderful and I could tell many great stories about my experiences there, one experience at the beginning of my entry year really hurt. I'd finally gone to confession after 13 months and unloaded all my pre-Steubenville sins off my soul. When I told one of my peers, he did not say, "Praise God. Welcome back." He said, "You know, a good Catholic goes to confession at least once a year."
These kinds of things sting. Maybe it's a struggle for a family just to get to Mass. I would be totally discouraging them if I said they weren't good enough because they lacked veils. I'm not saying you're doing that, but I've decided that I want to relate to my fellow parishioners and I want them to see me as a person, not as "the veiled lady".
I too have been tempted to judge people as not holy enough if they have less than three children and do not homeschool. But God has shown me my errors and now I just talk to people, see where they're at and try to help them along in their journey.
I still feel called to wear a veil during adoration, but if I'm at benediction or something and I left the veil in the van, I don't freak out. I just focus on Jesus.
I think that's the best we can do -- focus on Jesus.
I do believe that simplicity is a virtue and I am continually trying to purge myself of excess. But when I worry over the little details, I just say, "Lord, You know me. You know my heart. Accept my flawed efforts to worship You." Just like my heart is softened when my child says, "I wuv yew, Mama." I simply squeeze her and say, "I love you too." No corrections made, just love given.
Focus on loving others and receiving love.
Beautiful comment, Christine. I had almost forgotten about this discussion.
Ya know, I did wear the veil for awhile...and felt OK doing it...until my 3-year old started being a real brat at Mass. I thought it would reflect badly on other people (who adhere more closely to traditionalist practices) if I kept wearing the veil and was then seen swearing at my kid! Oh well, maybe some other year...
Wearing no makeup, jewelry, dresses only & covering actually caused me to be a loner in traditional catholic circles. My mennonite friends understand where I am coming fom , but not catholics. I had a priest once call it false humility. I no longet attend trad catholic groups due to severe persecution. I know where you are coming from though.
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