Geez, I wish I could think of more light-hearted things to post about. Maybe it's the weather, and the fact that my neck of the woods tends to be clouded over for more than half the year. In summertime, you only have to paint your toenails once and you could probably get through the whole sandal season.
This is the time of year when people tend to retreat into their homes, turn on the tube, and eat lots of treats. Lately I've been ruminating, a dangerous thing to do in winter when you have two little tykes and don't get out much. My bad habit is to start thinking about all the things that have "gone wrong" and all the things I should have done to prevent it. Like, I could have married another man to prevent Dean's gall bladder surgery and us having to pay the medical bills. Or how it was my fault we bought this house and now I can't get out from under all our home improvement projects.
It is so distressing when you have all these thoughts and plans and expectations built up about what's going to happen--and then something unforseen (and potentially disastrous) blows them all into smithereens. How do you get through this kind of thing, mentally? How do you avoid the thought that it's somehow all YOUR fault? Or that God has turned his face away, as it says so many times in the Psalms?
You could think about how much better you've got it than so many other people in the world. What I mean to say is, you could think things like, "At least we have a roof over our heads," "At least we have our health" (Oops! You can't think that unless everybody is healthy!), "At least we live in a free country" (even that is up for debate). Oh well, you get the drift. But that is a pretty negative way of looking at things, and it only makes me feel worse. Is there a more positive way to deal with stress and upset?
1. You could read the lives of the saints. Yes, 'tis the season to go and get yerself a volume of those, if they're not already on your shelf. Personally, I think saints are fascinating. Their lives were so difficult that you have to admire the fact that they got through it at all, and to top it off, made it to heaven to boot. Plus they are comfortably distant, so you aren't guilt-ridden over the fact that they are alive somewhere in the world suffering while you're making banana bread.
2. Read up on the virtues, and teach them to your kids. Wikipedia is a pretty good place to start to research something, even Catholic things. They list the cardinal virtues as: prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude. The theological virtues are faith, hope, and love--as in charity (it has been posited that only Christians can have these virtues). Alternatively, you could list out the seven deadly sins and then look to their antitheses: lust/chastity, gluttony/moderation, greed/generosity, sloth/zeal, wrath/meekness, envy/charity, and pride/humility. This would also make a good examination of conscience. Instead of trying to figure out what deadly sin you committed, you could ask yourself, "How did I fail to embody the virtues?"
3. Remind yourself that success in God's eyes is not success in the eyes of the world. Oh, how difficult this is! Don't think I am sitting here all smug thinking I've got the answers to everything. I am struggling just as much as anybody--I just choose to embarrass myself by committing it to a literary format. What I mean is, we have to keep telling ourselves that the Christian ideal has never been to put our kids through college and retire with fat bank accounts. Even the saints who have gone out into the wilderness to convert pagans, only to be murdered, were a smashing success in God's eyes. Even Mother Theresa (pray for us!) would have been a success in God's eyes if she never even opened one Missionaries of Charity convent. Because she would have been doing what He asked.
When things start going "wrong," what we need to do is to start examining ourselves and asking, "Am I living the virtues today? Which ones am I great at? Which ones are missing from my life?" If we could focus more on whether we are acting according to the virtues, then when disaster strikes we can at least tell ourselves we acted in the right way according to right intentions. The rest is up to God.
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2 comments:
"3. Remind yourself that success in God's eyes is not success in the eyes of the world."
This summer, my husband and I got "ripped off" for $600 by a black top sealer. It's a long story, but we actually paid him in 3 installments, even though he didn't do but a third of the work. Why? He said he'd been in the hospital, and his crew had used up our sealer at a different job, so he needed the money to buy more sealer.
Long story short, when we realized we had been ripped off, we felt ashamed. Why? We were trying to be charitable. We were trying to give a guy a chance. We were out money we could have used, but we have survived. It took many repititions of "You don't go to hell for getting ripped off" before we realized we didn't have to be ashamed, and God doesn't judge us for making a financial blooper.
In times of great stress like yours, the only relief I ever got was just sitting, staring at my icon of Christ, and opening my heart and my sorrows. We become helpless and implore His mercy, and believe it or not, are comforted.
I will certainly light a candle for your intentions, and I hope some sweetness and light come your way! Blessings!
You are a ray of light...thanks for your perspective. I started reading your archive and couldn't stop! LOL! I loved your reflections on birth/death and have compared the two as well. My first birth was homebirth squatting on a stool. My midwife tried to talk me into a waterbirth, but I just wasn't having it! The next birth was a waterbirth and it was TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I think I am going to buy one of those suckers (homebirth tubs) from Barbara Harper before I leave the Portland OR area.
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