The Dirt on Kirby

Continuing my series (as it seems to be morphing into) on door-to-door salesmen and telemarketers...my latest encounter has been with the Kirby guys. Now you know my heart, gang. I don't want to slam the door in these people's faces--I want to be the best Christian and Catholic I can be to them. We even had a celtic cross on our front doorstep ($10 at Lowe's) until Carl broke it.

This was our second round with Kirby salespeople. The first time, we took the bait and sat patiently through a 1 1/2 hour demo, and were very impressed with the machine--until they showed us a payment plan for $2,000!! Trying to get these people out of your house once they turn on the hard sell is hard! Why did I let them in this time? Well...to tell you the truth, my uncle has fallen on some hard times and his latest crummy job is being a window "demonstrator" in K-mart, trying to get people to sign up for their "contest" which is really an invitation to a sales pitch for...you guessed it--windows. I'm sorta feeling sorry for anybody who has to resort to sales to make money for their family.

So when the guy hears my reasons for turning him away, he turns on the sympathy mode..."Ah, c'mon, I've got these new kids that just need some training...couldn't sell chocolate cake to a fat kid...and my supervisor'll give me $50 if I can just clean your stairs." AARRGGHH!! Why do I always fall for that one? So I give in, and they go away. Meanwhile, I'm thinking about Tom's allergies and my own interminable research process on buying a new vacuum. "Maybe I'll hear them out and check out their product for allergies." But I wanted to see what the internet had to say, and so jumped online and checked out this article from Wikipedia (which continues to impress me as a general source of unbiased information).

The bottom line, I learned after reading the article, is that while Kirby makes a good product, it's way overpriced, their sales tactics are questionable at best and unscrupulous at worst, and they all do it THE SAME WAY. The article gave a devastating blow-by-blow rundown on the typical Kirby sales demonstration that, while effective, seems rather smarmy when you've reading about it dispassionately and you're not the one involved. They appeal to scare and smear tactics and ultimately try to close the deal at the highest possible purchase price, or get you to sign up for an outrageously expensive payment plan. I hit the print button just as the knock came at my door.

They were practicall pushing the box into the house when I said, "Hold on a minute, guys. I want you to have this information and know why it is that I can't do business with a company that uses tactics like this."

KIRBY GUY: What do you mean?

ME (turning back to the printer): You should really read it because a lot of it concerns the sales force.

KIRBY GUY (confers with young saleskid):.......

ME (I kept turning away to check progress on the print job): There's also some interesting history...of complaints.

KIRBY GUY:........

ME (handing them the printout): Plus, there's no way I'm going to spend $1200 bucks on something that only comes with a 3-year limited warranty.

KIRBY GUY (looking hurt): It's a lifetime warranty.

ME (closing door): Goodbye.

As I returned to the dishes, I was tempted to feel proud of myself, but then I thought about my uncle again. That guy was probably trying to feed a family. And it's a hard life for many out there, these days. So I'm not proud about the way I behaved. But I do think it's justified to refuse to deal with an organization if you have a reason to believe that they are dishonest, use unscrupulous tactics, or support immoral organizations (like Planned Parenthood). So good luck out there and I'm sure I'll have another doorknocker update soon.

P.S. I did finally purchase the Kenmore Progressive Canister Vacuum from the Sears web site. It is rated #1 by Consumer Reports for best value and performance for the price. See consumersearch.com for details.